Why I’m Here, Why You’re Here (Hopefully), and Why I’m Now Shouting into the Internet Instead of at My Family

Let’s get the obvious out the way. I’m not a celebrity influencer. I have no brand. I don’t live on a vineyard or in a converted shipping container with minimalist décor and six curated succulents. I’m not blond, tall, athletic and skinny so I can’t start a wellness page. I’m just a mom, who, much like the old woman who lived in the shoe, has too many children, too few marketable skills, and a personality that would best be described as opinionated with excellent punctuation. So, starting this blog seemed a reasonable solution to the main problems in my life:

1. Tertiary education is expensive.
   The kind of expensive that makes you laugh, then cry, then consider selling a kidney. And when you’ve got multiple kids who you’d really prefer not to have living in your house forever, you start looking for ways to earn extra income. Ideally ones that don’t involve pyramid schemes, protein shakes, or compromising your morals on OnlyFans. As a mom to many (or a mom of too many) I’d prefer something I can do at home and preferably in my bed in my pyjamas, and without having to brush my hair first. And this leads me to my second problem.
   
2. I don’t have any marketable skills.
   I can’t code. I don’t know how to start a small business. I can’t crochet. Last time I did homemade pizzas the kids claimed it was like eating frisbees. But I can write a sentence dripping with sarcasm, and if you let me, I’ll write another one just for spite. So here we are.
   
3. I get irritated. Often.
   At society. At WhatsApp groups. At parking lot etiquette. At people who say “just saying” as if that clears them of all wrongdoing. Blogging seems a more acceptable outlet than cornering my family every evening at the dinner table and subjecting them to yet another impassioned monologue how people who misuse “literally” should face legal penalties.
   
4. My surname is Cross.
   And if you’re going to go through life with a name that sounds like a Victorian headmistress, the least you can do is use it well. So welcome to The Cross Examination, where I will interrogate society with the severity of a constitutional court judge and the flair of someone who never quite let go of the thrill of winning a public speaking competition at the age of 16.
   
5. Because the world is imploding, and someone needs to commentate.
   You know what they say, if you can’t fix the problem, offer dry commentary from the side-lines and hope someone shares it. Consider this my contribution to the resistance. Or at least to the general atmosphere of discontent.
   
6. (Perhaps most importantly) I think I know everything.
   And I think it’s my moral duty to share it with you. I have all the answers, like how we should deal with potholes and how to fix public hospitals. But nobody in my real life listens because they’re busy with trivial issues like raising children and going to work.

So if you enjoy sarcastic social commentary, the occasional deep sigh at the state of the world, and reflections on South African life from someone who is both deeply embedded and mildly exasperated, stick around.

Share the blog. Follow along. Please. I need the money. And if nothing else, enjoy the relief of knowing that you are not the only one who thinks the national obsession with sport, WhatsApp voice notes, and motivational posters are deeply concerning.

Welcome to The Cross Examination.
Let the judgement commence.